Last weekend here, and I'm definitely feeling bittersweet about leaving where I've called home for the past 4 weeks.
Night life - amazing, gorgeous and interesting people, the shopping satisfying, weather's pretty good, and beaches that never stop.
But, that's only the half of it. The other half comes with TFA Institute and its many things that are both f'd up and fabulous. The work is hard, draining, angering, and rewarding... and it's all rooted in what we have come to call "student achievement."
My thoughts on institute itself have thus far been pretty negative - institutional racism is a real problem that exists on a fundamentally real level that you can both see and participate in. A participation that makes you wonder what you're actually doing here and also forces you to question how and why so much can be overlooked regarding inequity, race, class, diversity, discrimination... you know, all those things that I learned to unpack in my years as an ES major. And then seeing how colorblindness enacts itself became a reality. The dangers within that have pained me relentlessly, but also force me to survive.
But, as much as I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired here at Institute, there also comes with it 7 and 8 year old 'kiddos' who brighten up the experience with their genuine spirits that are learning to learn in a world that often tells them that they cannot. My fellow corps members and I are all here to change that, and that's an exciting thing. Especially when we get that positive reinforcement of the data we get to see and the drawings they make for us on the back of their assessments (whales, me in my tie... and in a dress, tigers doing math, hands drawn into turkeys, and little love notes here and there... i've been favorited as a teacher by a few of my students), we are made aware again that somehow, the struggle is a little bit worth it.
26 July 2009
19 July 2009
No change...
without resistance.
No matter how hard we struggle to do what it is we do, there will always be change. But, also, there will always be resistance to that change. And, even still, there is no resistance without change.
This cyclical habit of change and resistance has become somewhat tiring; however, I remember why it is I do the work that I do every time I am in the classroom. But I'm still tired. of bureaucratic bull shit. of getting four hours of sleep in a night. of institutional everything. and even though I know I'm growing, when I'm so tired, it almost feels like the steps backwards that I know I am taking are leaps and bounds in the wrong direction, away from who I am(was). As much as college was a part of me and everything that it was, there's a time now to quickly occupy that space of my identity with a new one. One that is day by day redefining itself as "teacher."
No matter how hard we struggle to do what it is we do, there will always be change. But, also, there will always be resistance to that change. And, even still, there is no resistance without change.
This cyclical habit of change and resistance has become somewhat tiring; however, I remember why it is I do the work that I do every time I am in the classroom. But I'm still tired. of bureaucratic bull shit. of getting four hours of sleep in a night. of institutional everything. and even though I know I'm growing, when I'm so tired, it almost feels like the steps backwards that I know I am taking are leaps and bounds in the wrong direction, away from who I am(was). As much as college was a part of me and everything that it was, there's a time now to quickly occupy that space of my identity with a new one. One that is day by day redefining itself as "teacher."
09 July 2009
It's (almost) the end...
of a long week here at induction 2009. At least, I'm finished teaching until Monday. Excited about it, but also have mixed emotions about not being able to teach tomorrow. What I've realized is that the short and sweet and chaotic and crazy 50 minutes I get with my students is time that I've spent recognizing how fulfilling it feels to be in the classroom. finally. Teaching.
It was a humbling experience, and one that I'm so excited to continue.
Things like being able to help a student at the board who is struggling through a problem or sitting one on one with a student about his role model, Reggie Bush, or getting back assessments that were perfect and showed mastery of what I had taught them. But it's not only the students that I've already fallen in love with, it's also my fellow corps members and mentors that are keeping me going.
It's strange, going through this week together. Realizing that all of us get little to no sleep every night and struggle to stand in front of a classroom and command attention while empathizing with their every word to hopefully do some kind of good. The struggle is real, the work is difficult, but the outcome of closing the achievement gap becomes that much more tangible with every minute we get to spend in the classroom learning how to become better teachers. It is here that we 'learn to teach,' and that is a powerful thing to be able to do.
It was a humbling experience, and one that I'm so excited to continue.
Things like being able to help a student at the board who is struggling through a problem or sitting one on one with a student about his role model, Reggie Bush, or getting back assessments that were perfect and showed mastery of what I had taught them. But it's not only the students that I've already fallen in love with, it's also my fellow corps members and mentors that are keeping me going.
It's strange, going through this week together. Realizing that all of us get little to no sleep every night and struggle to stand in front of a classroom and command attention while empathizing with their every word to hopefully do some kind of good. The struggle is real, the work is difficult, but the outcome of closing the achievement gap becomes that much more tangible with every minute we get to spend in the classroom learning how to become better teachers. It is here that we 'learn to teach,' and that is a powerful thing to be able to do.
29 June 2009
I Teach For America because...
I decided that it was high time to do an update that just answered all the logistical questions of where and when and how and why... and because I need to catch up with others too, and hopefully this is a first step to reconnecting :)
Currently, I'm in Los Angeles at Loyola Marymount University for Institute Training for Teach For America (teachforamerica.org). Pretty much, I'm teaching summer school for five weeks. I'll be teaching 3rd grade for the next 5 weeks, and I'm currently learning how to do so.
This means waking up at 5:30am. Every. weekday.
Life decision I've made: to try and do this whole summer institute without coffee. We'll see how long I last.
Today was the first day, and it was somewhat of an awful painful and glorious new beginning.
In the past few months, I've been busy graduating (read, tearing out my hair writing two theses) and just finishing up college life. Turn around was super fast, but I got to see a few people, and I definitely missed out on seeing a few before I headed down to Cali (let's get together when I head back up north!). Graduation was definitely bittersweet, and I'm definitely missing my Eugene folks and friends and chosen family :)
As far as my next steps... I'll be back in San Jose come early August (hopefully in time for Joseph's baptism!) to continue my training at Rocketship Elementary (http://www.rsed.org/about.html), where I'll be teaching 4th grade literacy. I'm excited to get into the classroom and finally start applying all the stuff I've been hearing about but not able to live out. Closing the achievement gap is definitely something that I've joined as far as movement wise... but I still got my issues with TFA itself as an organization... that'll have to be another post though (read: diversity, poc, inclusiveness, multicultural policy, demographics, whiteness... "Diversity Workshop" is on Friday. Wish me luck, I'll be callin people out left and right with the support of my fellow PoC and white allies.).
For relaxation, I'm definitely lookin forward to exploring LA and hangin out with my fellow corp members. Pretty excited to go out, hang out, chill out... it'll be good times. Let me know if you're in the area!
Hope all of your summers are well, and it would be great to hear back from you with what you're up to! Take care!
Currently, I'm in Los Angeles at Loyola Marymount University for Institute Training for Teach For America (teachforamerica.org). Pretty much, I'm teaching summer school for five weeks. I'll be teaching 3rd grade for the next 5 weeks, and I'm currently learning how to do so.
This means waking up at 5:30am. Every. weekday.
Life decision I've made: to try and do this whole summer institute without coffee. We'll see how long I last.
Today was the first day, and it was somewhat of an awful painful and glorious new beginning.
In the past few months, I've been busy graduating (read, tearing out my hair writing two theses) and just finishing up college life. Turn around was super fast, but I got to see a few people, and I definitely missed out on seeing a few before I headed down to Cali (let's get together when I head back up north!). Graduation was definitely bittersweet, and I'm definitely missing my Eugene folks and friends and chosen family :)
As far as my next steps... I'll be back in San Jose come early August (hopefully in time for Joseph's baptism!) to continue my training at Rocketship Elementary (http://www.rsed.org/about.html), where I'll be teaching 4th grade literacy. I'm excited to get into the classroom and finally start applying all the stuff I've been hearing about but not able to live out. Closing the achievement gap is definitely something that I've joined as far as movement wise... but I still got my issues with TFA itself as an organization... that'll have to be another post though (read: diversity, poc, inclusiveness, multicultural policy, demographics, whiteness... "Diversity Workshop" is on Friday. Wish me luck, I'll be callin people out left and right with the support of my fellow PoC and white allies.).
For relaxation, I'm definitely lookin forward to exploring LA and hangin out with my fellow corp members. Pretty excited to go out, hang out, chill out... it'll be good times. Let me know if you're in the area!
Hope all of your summers are well, and it would be great to hear back from you with what you're up to! Take care!
20 September 2008
Revisiting this ish
So, finally... I decide to update.
A few snippets of the past months...
My own education has led me to believe that the social injustices that occur within American society today can only be changed through positive social change created by leaders with integrity. As I began understanding the intricacies of injustice, I recognized that social equity is what I must strive for in order to produce effects that will affect the institutional hierarchies that perpetuate our American society. With this came the realization that my individual growth and opportunity to excel came out of my ability to learn, to create, and to understand concepts and ideas and how I am able to apply them to my life to help both myself and others. I do what I do to allow others to have this opportunity: to learn, grow, and have the ability to help themselves and others. In this world, injustices occur, and if we are to create an equitable society where we can all live with respect and dignity, we must understand that education in all its forms is a key component to eliminating the inequities and gaps that hinder personal and communal development.
A few snippets of the past months...
- I finished my junior year, and it was sad/happy/exciting/rewarding
- I worked 40 hour weeks for the first time at the City of Portland Office of Sustainable Development
- I traveled to San Diego, Seattle, and Vancouver BC
- I hung out with my family a lot... my niece and nephews especially. Cute as always... but a handful
- I attended LeaderShape, which was amazing, satisfying, and strengthened me as a person
My own education has led me to believe that the social injustices that occur within American society today can only be changed through positive social change created by leaders with integrity. As I began understanding the intricacies of injustice, I recognized that social equity is what I must strive for in order to produce effects that will affect the institutional hierarchies that perpetuate our American society. With this came the realization that my individual growth and opportunity to excel came out of my ability to learn, to create, and to understand concepts and ideas and how I am able to apply them to my life to help both myself and others. I do what I do to allow others to have this opportunity: to learn, grow, and have the ability to help themselves and others. In this world, injustices occur, and if we are to create an equitable society where we can all live with respect and dignity, we must understand that education in all its forms is a key component to eliminating the inequities and gaps that hinder personal and communal development.
When I first began understanding my own privilege, I situated it in the form of binaries. I am Asian American, not white. I am male, not female. I am queer, not straight. I am middle class, not lower class. But, as I complicated my comprehension of how intersectionality works and how my innate identity oppresses as well as is oppressed, I began to understand how institutional hierarchies perpetuated my beliefs on race, gender, sexuality, and all other forms of mainstream identity. Now, I challenge those beliefs, and I live accordingly. The spectrum of social justice has been broadened for me because of a recognition of a need to know who I am and how my personal identity has the possibility of creating coalitions with people different than me, thus working together to create positive social change. And this change is necessary. It is not only my future that depends on my ability to work with people, but the futures of those I work with and the futures of the lives we are able to affect through our work. My education led me to seeing the possibility of change I can create. I can affect whether or not we universalize health care. I can affect how we live in a healthy environment. I can affect our human rights. I can affect how many of my peers vote. I can even affect how I live my life day to day, knowing that each day counts towards making the changes I want to create.
I am a leader. My desire to create positive social change and my ability to see the injustices and act upon them proves this. Closing the educational gap encompasses how these social inequities are addressed by not only me, but by those I am able to educate, lead, and then follow towards a better future.
21 May 2008
It takes a thought to make a word...
It takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction
Yes We Can
Life is wonderful...
Thinkin about mixin those two for the spring reception. We'll see what I come up with. Inspired by MrazObama... gettin chills jus thinkin about it.
I got an internship with the Portland sector of the Office of Sustainability for this summer. It'll pay damn well, so I'm pretty stoked about that, but it'll also be an awesome opportunity to do somethin I'm not really familiar with: a) having a job and b) sustainability issues. Maybe I can really focus on Environmental Racism this summer and have that be the affiliated project I work on. Could be interesting. I'll let you all know more about the internship as I get more information.
But... that means I'll be in Portland this summer!
New list: Important things in my life...
1. Friends
2. Family (and this includes all my families...)
3. Social justice and social equity
4. My fish "Stick"
New track: *on feeling empowered*
Do you ever get that feeling? When you're motivated to do something because it means so much to you and you know that if you don't, you'll regret not doing it. I love that feeling. Especially when it's for the big things... fighting institutions. But even more so for the little things... stickin up for someone who doesn't have a voice. It all goes back to creating positive change. And having the passion to create it.
I hope I'm not all talk and no play. All words and no actions. But, instead, I'm work to make it work. To get to satisfaction. Because, yeah... sure, we can ;)
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction
Yes We Can
Life is wonderful...
Thinkin about mixin those two for the spring reception. We'll see what I come up with. Inspired by MrazObama... gettin chills jus thinkin about it.
I got an internship with the Portland sector of the Office of Sustainability for this summer. It'll pay damn well, so I'm pretty stoked about that, but it'll also be an awesome opportunity to do somethin I'm not really familiar with: a) having a job and b) sustainability issues. Maybe I can really focus on Environmental Racism this summer and have that be the affiliated project I work on. Could be interesting. I'll let you all know more about the internship as I get more information.
But... that means I'll be in Portland this summer!
New list: Important things in my life...
1. Friends
2. Family (and this includes all my families...)
3. Social justice and social equity
4. My fish "Stick"
New track: *on feeling empowered*
Do you ever get that feeling? When you're motivated to do something because it means so much to you and you know that if you don't, you'll regret not doing it. I love that feeling. Especially when it's for the big things... fighting institutions. But even more so for the little things... stickin up for someone who doesn't have a voice. It all goes back to creating positive change. And having the passion to create it.
I hope I'm not all talk and no play. All words and no actions. But, instead, I'm work to make it work. To get to satisfaction. Because, yeah... sure, we can ;)
16 May 2008
Day one of a new blog.
I think it's because I'm avoiding the writing of zillions of essays before the term ends. I need some sort of outlet to be able to go to whenever I want to procrastinate. I'm pretty sure this is number 4 in my list of things to do when I don't want to do anything. It is as follows:
1. Facebook
2. Catch up on e-mails
3. Call people
4. This new blog
5. Watch online movies or Bleach
6. Read online news
7. Myspace
If you have any other good ways to procrastinate, please inform me so I can add to the list. Specific websites and other things would be helpful.
At the moment, I'm supposed to be writing an essay on critiquing an in-class presentation that I gave. The essay's relevance to my life is zero, but, alas, I find myself forced to perform busy work that I know I'll never benefit from in the long term. I had to watch a video of me actually giving the presentation, and it was super damn awkward. It's strange to watch yourself speak in front of a group of people. I would notice when I touched my face, looked up or down, said the word "umm" (I think only 3 times total for a 4 minute speech, not bad...)... all that little nit-picky stuff that you never think about when you're actually up there. But, yes... supposed to talk about that for about a page or page and a half.
New theme for this term: don't do any work.
Pretty much, I live the high life of just hangin out and enjoying the weather. Work only occurs out of necessity, and even that runs low these days.
Volleyball is my new life love.
So are jam sessions with other musically inclined folk.
AND... night life. As much as going out may be expensive... a couple drinks and a few hours of raunchy dancing have become priceless in my book. Why not, right?
So, that's been me recently. Just livin it up until summer hits me...
Oh yeah, Ashland this weekend and a couple Shakespeare plays. That is all.
1. Facebook
2. Catch up on e-mails
3. Call people
4. This new blog
5. Watch online movies or Bleach
6. Read online news
7. Myspace
If you have any other good ways to procrastinate, please inform me so I can add to the list. Specific websites and other things would be helpful.
At the moment, I'm supposed to be writing an essay on critiquing an in-class presentation that I gave. The essay's relevance to my life is zero, but, alas, I find myself forced to perform busy work that I know I'll never benefit from in the long term. I had to watch a video of me actually giving the presentation, and it was super damn awkward. It's strange to watch yourself speak in front of a group of people. I would notice when I touched my face, looked up or down, said the word "umm" (I think only 3 times total for a 4 minute speech, not bad...)... all that little nit-picky stuff that you never think about when you're actually up there. But, yes... supposed to talk about that for about a page or page and a half.
New theme for this term: don't do any work.
Pretty much, I live the high life of just hangin out and enjoying the weather. Work only occurs out of necessity, and even that runs low these days.
Volleyball is my new life love.
So are jam sessions with other musically inclined folk.
AND... night life. As much as going out may be expensive... a couple drinks and a few hours of raunchy dancing have become priceless in my book. Why not, right?
So, that's been me recently. Just livin it up until summer hits me...
Oh yeah, Ashland this weekend and a couple Shakespeare plays. That is all.
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